November 2011
80 posts
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I just walked by Jesus and a jellyfish holding...
I love this neighborhood.
October 2011
73 posts
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I'm not a Child of Destiny
Kaitlin sings: Ladies leave your man at home, the club is full of ballers and their pockets full of chrome.
Elisa: What'd you say?
Kaitlin: Pockets full of chrome.
Elisa: Like guns?
Kaitlin: I thought it was about money.
Elisa: No. It's their pockets are full grown. Like they're grown ups.
Kaitlin: Oh.
A lesson learned a decade too late.
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If you’re looking for something to do, I suggest following the Twitter reactions to Kim Kardashian’s divorce. God bless America.
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Before I actually do my job today and get off...
Why are all of the Tumblr spam accounts disguised as Asian women?
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So I never ended up going out for Halloween this...
I regret to inform you that I basically do this every year: I come up with some grand scheme of an idea for a costume, get the basic supplies to accomplish the costume, but never actually a) put the costume together or b) make plans to wear the costume.
This year went through a few examples of costumes (Cruella DeVille, Princess Peach, Toddlers and Tiaras, a mail order bride) and I even got a...
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You don’t shave your legs for closure.
“She has an ass from the depths of hell.”
– That’s the greatest compliment I have ever heard.
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New Feature: Ask a Ginger
I don’t know if it’s my charming personality or judgmental nature, but I tend to be the friend people come to for advice, to be a sounding board, or to bitch for a hot second about their girl/boyfriend who just doesn’t understand. I know more about my acquaintance’s sex lives that many people know about the sex lives of their partners.
While discussing this quality the...
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You know that feeling in your chest you get when...
Damn I miss that.
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Even my computer has hit the late afternoon slow-as-eff ”Fuck you, Bitch, I don’t want to work” drudge today. Maybe we’ve been spending too much time together, my work PC and I. I wonder if my home Mac is jealous. Probably not. That prissy bitch likes to be looked at but is a total tease when you finally get her top open.
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It is 11:46 PM Central Standard Time.
For the next 14 minutes it is my 26th birthday. Some call it golden - you know, turning 26 on the 26th. Well I think it kind of blew. So I wrote myself a letter for my 27th birthday. It felt good. I might make it a new birthday thing. A tradition, if you will. Let’s see if I remember to read it in 364 days and 14 minutes.
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This is not a food blog.
Yet the only times I’ve gotten those fancy Tumblr tags or a wave of Tumblr fans is when a picture of food is taken. Perhaps I should read this as a sign from the internet gods.
Fun fact: I am the pickiest eater you will ever meet. Including your five-year-old cousin.
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“But is it possible to suffer a zombie apocalypse?”
– Actual sentence in the introduction to Zombies: A Living History on the History Channel. I love Halloween.
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Waking up in the morning is one of life's ironies.
I’m grateful to have another day to live, another moment to breathe, another chance to make something of myself. Life is shorter than we realize and - though it’s the biggest cliche of all - there’s something to be said for living in the moment. I could be gone tomorrow. Hit by a bus. Suffer an aneurysm. Slip in the shower and slowly bleed because I live by myself and no one...
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If you're reading this and it is still Thursday:
Who wants to read my sketch and give me honest (but kind) criticism before I submit it for this damned deadline? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?
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Jezebel: If Your Parents Loved You... →
Maybe it’s because I went to school in Michigan and that comes with an array of snow, rain, and general shit weather apparel that takes up all sorts of room, but who has the locker space for a mini-chandelier?
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Which is More Offensive:
1) Who Wants to Marry a Midget? or Who Wants to Date a Dwarf?
2) Three white women competing on a dating show called Single White Infidel? or Three Muslim men competing on a dating show called Single White Infidel?
OK, now which is funnier?
*Please note that what I am attempting to write is satirizing dating shows and the young women who put themselves on them, not the Muslim faith or its...
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So I had a weird dream again.
This time I was moving into a lovely apartment with a real bathtub and giant windows overlooking…wait a minute! My college campus? Apparently I can’t get away from it even when I dream!
But I digress.
In this fabulous apartment, I shot some sort of music video/obstacle course thing where people were both singing and dancing as I sung, danced, and used them to help me through the...
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Ideas and Advice, Y'all! (No, I didn't suddenly...
So I read about this guy on Mashable who used a QR code to make his resume speak - literally speak - to potential employers. This, of course, makes me lustful with envy and I now want a QR code on my own resume. I don’t think I’ll be putting a picture of myself on the back of a resume or anything, but I do think a well-placed code could give my resume a little extra oomph,...
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Just So You Know.
Sometimes when I’m walking home drunk I catch myself playing the “Step on a Crack Break Your Mother’s Back” game with myself.
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Pardon me for a moment while I indulge my inner...
“Ohmygeeze you guys how cool is this nail polish? It, like, changes its looks because it has this, like, magnet thing in the bottle and, like, moves stuff. It reminds me of one of those toys I had when I was little. The bald man on a yellow background and there were little iron flecks or something else magnetic flecks that you waved a little pencil wandy thing at and gave the bald man a...
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WatchYou guys. My future daughter was on Ellen! Just want to eat this little munchkin up, don’t you? And she’s British! That makes it so much cuter.
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I'm in the mood to do...something...today.
I can’t quite put my finger on what that something is though. It’s the proverbial je ne sais qua that I’m feeling at the moment.
I could jump atop my desk and start singing and dancing. That would probably get me fired or at least sternly reprimanded by my boss. But I would really enjoy it in the moment.
I could go for a run, but my pencil skirt and leopard print blouse...
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